MENTAL HEALTH AS A POC

My name is Nataly Clark, and I am 20 years old. I am a young, black female trying to navigate a difficult world. I struggle with mental health, and this is my story. 

I grew up in a white family, white community, white school. It was never easy, and it still isn’t. I was always the sore thumb that stuck out. I was bullied, taunted, and hated all because of my race. 

As I grew up, I started to develop a low self esteem and depression. It was manageable, until it wasn’t. I moved to State College, PA at the age of 18. I had my own apartment, and moved twice. I never had a close relationship with my roommates, which made for lonely nights. 

It was until the fall of 2023 that the anxiety started. I would be in a constant state of anxiety, worrying about my family, my relationship, my schooling. I was at the lowest point in my life. I wasn’t near my family, I only had one close friend, Nicolle. 

I felt like I was in a constant loop of the same days. I wouldn’t sleep, I would overthink every second of the day. I had gone through a breakup as well, which hadn’t been easy. I was on medication to try and manage the anxiety. 

In February of 2024, I made an attempt on my life. I felt worthless, unlovable, and so lonely. I overdosed on Prozac and vodka. I had called my mom and told her what I had done. My ex boyfriend came and broke my door down, paramedics came. The whole week that I was in the hospital was a blur. I don’t remember much of it except how terrified I was. I couldn’t control my own body movements, I had this ongoing tourette’s like tic that wouldn’t go away. I could barely walk on my own. 

My friends and family were all there around me as I went through this, and I am so scared I traumatized them. It was the worst feeling ever. After I had to spend two days in psychiatric care, where I wasn’t able to see my family. 

The weeks passing were hard, I often had thoughts of trying to make the same mistake again. I felt traumatized in my own room, in my own space. 

I didn’t know how to explain that I don’t feel like a real person most days. Everything felt like a blur. I would just sit in my own silence and feel like I was drowning. 

I’m not saying it gets 100% better, or easier, but the feeling comes and goes. 

I turn 21 in two weeks. Which is weird to think about considering a couple months ago I didn’t think I’d be alive to celebrate it. 

Always, always reach out for help.