DATING LIFE: NOW IN COLOR

 I’m not even going to lie to you guys. I was a socially awkward child growing up. I was never exactly what you consider to be “popular” but at the same time I had a lot of “friends”. I bounced between schools a lot which made it hard for me to connect with new people. 

As we grow up and go into middle school, we start to look at each other differently. Girls were starting to determine which guys were “cute” and vice versa. I quickly learned in high school that guys had a specific type. They liked the girls with long, pretty hair. The ones with nice tan skin and athletic builds. I wasn’t any of these. I was in what my best guy friend describes as my “Gerald from Hey Arnold” phase. I had a messy, curly afro. I was (and still am) built like a stick and stood at about 5’1. Oh, and on top of that I was a black girl. I heard so many times from people that I liked that “they weren’t interested in black girls”. 

I would spend countless nights looking at myself in the mirror trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I sat there and tried to think about what I could do differently to get guys to like me the way they liked my friends. This mentality and constant rejection was super harmful to me as I grew up. I constantly have issues with my self image, always trying to figure out what I can do to “enhance” my appearance.

Right around when Covid-19 hit and we were sent home for the rest of the school year, I decided to experiment with my hair. It was never meant to be a permanent change, just something to have fun with. I started wearing my hair straight in March of 2020. I consistently experimented with different lengths, styles and colors. For me it was something fun to do. 

After about a month or so I realized that people were seeing me in a different light. Guys started to think I was pretty. Older people started to respect me more; they took me more seriously. I was no longer just the funny friend who was socially awkward, I was now what the white community thinks a black woman should like. I started getting guys constantly complimenting me and my appearances. In the beginning it was like a drug, I had never received this type of attention and praise from white males. After a while, I began to wonder what would happen if I went back to my natural hair. I was so scared everything I ever wanted was going to be ripped away from me if I went back to the way I was. All the compliments, respect…gone.

I feel like this is a big problem in our society. From a young age, POC realize that nothing about them is appealing to their white peers. They are taught to hate their beautiful natural hair, that only long straight hair is pretty. They are taught that their skin is too dark, their hair is too “unprofessional”. All the beautiful and distinct features that make black women BLACK WOMEN aren’t good enough or pretty enough for the narrow minded “beauty standards”.

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To every black little girl, who looks like me…please don’t change. You are beautiful the way you are. Your hair is beautiful, you are unique and as I was always told, “Black is the blueprint”. So many non-POC want our hair, want our culture, want our features. You have something they don’t, and you should always be proud of these things. Don’t change for other people. 

Sincerely, 

Someone who wishes they had known the same thing

Little me with natural hair

Me with straight hair now